Too often we let our thinking and beliefs about what we “know” prevent us from seeing things as they really are. by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Patience is a form of wisdom. It demonstrates that we understand and accept the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time. by Jon Kabat-Zinn
… we are constantly generating judgments about our experience. … These judgments tend to dominate our minds, making it difficult for us ever to find any peace within ourselves. by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Children learn at a very young age to block their feelings to gain approval to get their needs met, interfering with healthy growth and development. Oaklander
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath. (Really. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.)
Find a moment of stillness in the tornado that is your day.
How much clearer can you think, and act, when you slow down and take some time for yourself?
We have a tool that will help you recreate those moments of sound, level-headed thinking that feel way too few and far between. You can feel this way any time you need to, from anywhere in the world.
When you use this tool, called a listening partnership, you’ll learn how to empty out your emotional backpack so you don’t feel like a chicken running around with your head cut off.
Hand in Hand Parenting
The more we react to others, the more we lose touch with our own goals and became caught in other people’s agendas for us. By Dr Ronald W. Richardson
“Emotional independence doesn’t mean that you have to cut yourself off from your parents. It means that you can be part of the family while at the same time being a separate individual. It means you can be who you are and let your parents be who they are.” By Susan Forward
“Wise people travel to discover themselves”. By James Russell Lowell
“My father calls me lazy, wild and stupid. Is he right? I don’t think I’m like that.”
“Tell me, if your father said you were millionaire, would you believe him?”
“No, I know I have only 17 dollars in the bank, and that’s no millionaire. Oh, I see. Just he says I’m so terrible doesn’t mean I am.”
“Just as you know how much money you have, you also know the kind of person you are.” By H. Ginott
Being different should not be a problem in marriage. In fact, it should be a benefit. Differences do not create intruder problems. Immaturity does. By Dr H Cloud, Dr J Townsend
The value of identifying the present season of your marriage is that it will help you become conscious of the present quality of your marriage and aware of the attitudes, emotions, and actions the characterize your relationship.
… Knowing the season of your marriage will allow you to take positive step to maintain the joy of spring and summer and correct the negative behaviours that lead to fall and winter. By Gary Chapman “The Four Seasons of Marriage”
As parents, we are repeatedly stressed, tested, and pushed to our physical and emotional limits. The stress feels like it comes from our busy schedules or our out-of-sorts children.
But…surprise! Even on days when our children are fine, we can get cranky. That’s because a big part of the battle is inside ourselves. Our children trigger doubts, fears, and upsets we have been sitting on since before they were born. We push through those feelings to parent the best we can.
If we have support, we can gain some wisdom. We can grow stronger. We can get out from under our knee-jerk reactions. We may even develop compassion for ourselves as we work hard to do our best. Hand in hand parenting 19th Feb 2014
Anger in and of itself is not wrong, but rage and fury escalate it into dimension of the destructive. Lisa Bevere
“Since we cannot change reality, let us change
the eyes that see reality”. Nikos Kazantzakis
purpose of discipline is not control, nut co-operation. Co-operation means that
your children choose to behave because it makes sense to behave. It feels good
to behave. This is the goal of good discipline. Dr Sal Severe
and punishment are not the same. Discipline is teaching children how to make
better choices about their behaviour. Discipline is teaching children to be
responsible. Discipline is teaching children to think for themselves. …
Discipline means teaching decision making. by Dr Sal Severe
Any unhappiness or the occasional feeling of being “stuck” in our lives often come from an underlying belief that it is somehow not good or right to want what we want, and especially to want more than we have. Caterina rando
When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way
you are trampling on my feelings….
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked, was that you listen,
not talk or do, just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you
and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious, and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes, for some people,
because God is often mute, and he doesn’t always give advice or try to fix things.
He just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please just listen and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn;
and I’ll listen to you. Ralph Roughton
Creating who you want to be is like painting a mural – it is never truly finished, and can be endlessly reworked. As the painter of our own lives, most of us do not spend enough time trying new themes, colours, and textures. We carry on with the same subjects, the same brushes, the same strokes, the same palette. Over time our self-perception narrows. … A powerful thing you can do for yourself is to expand your self-perception. Start to do things you previously rejected because they were just “not you”. Begin perhaps with something simple yet significant. Caterina Rando
Anger often begins as a cry to be respected or as a desire for fairness.
Anger is an emotional signal that tells a person something needs to be changed. Dr Les Carter
Eye contact, gentle touch, warmth in our voices, and caring words are balm for your child’s being. You need a gentle listener, as well! By Patty Wipfler
Grieving is a journey that teaches us how to love in a new way now that our loved one is no longer with us. Consciously remembering those who have died is the key that opens our hearts, that allows us to love them in new ways. By Thomas Attig
If there is any sure-fire way to destroy trust and love, control is it. By Dr H Cloud, Dr J Townsend
No one can actually love another if he feels he doesn’t have a choice not to. By Dr H Cloud, Dr J Townsend
If you can give up the idea of winning and see the interaction somewhat differently – from a place of personal power (see post on 9th Dec) you should then see an opportunity to negotiate openly. By Anne Dickson
It has everything to do with a strong sense of self, the ability to balance care for oneself with care for others, the commitment to be true to yourself and the capacity to see beyond the ladders of life. By Anne Dickson
How do you listen?
Please listen when I talk,
but don’t only listen with your ears,
because if you do, you might not hear all I’m saying,
for I do not only talk with my mouth.
Listen with your eyes—look at me—watch me.
My actions may be saying more than my words.
You must listen with your eyes because I speak with my eyes.
My eyes are the mouthpieces of my inner self.
The inner me is the real me, the me you need to know.
Most of all listen to me with your heart, for I talk mainly with my heart.
My voice might say, ‘How are you, what are you doing?’
And your ears may hear this—but my heart might be yelling,
`Ask me how I am!’ Get me to talk.
I need to talk—
If you don’t listen with your heart
you won’t hear, and I’ll be afraid to really talk to you.
But if you will listen with your heart you will hear,
And I will talk and you will listen,
And the rainbow will seem to have more colour. Unknown author
We can’t change what happened to us as children but we can change the way we think about those event. by D. J. Siegel & M. Hartzell
Unfortunately, when parents are confronted with children’s misbehaviour, they are unaware that usually disturbing feelings fuel that behaviour. Feelings must be dealt with before behaviour can be improved. By H. Ginott
… problems tend to build over time if they are not attended to and can eventually leave us feeling stuck and out of touch. Over time, we may lose confidence in our ability to redirect our energies in ways that would lead to greater satisfaction and happiness, perhaps even to greater health. Jon Kabat-Zinn
Your job as a parent is to be there for your kids, to relate to them and get in their world as much as you possibly can. Your job is to understand them, to recognize them as NEW in this world and to create a safe space for them to learn and grow. It is your job to make it safe for them to express ANYTHING they need to express.
By Jolette Jai www.jaiinstituteforparenting.com
A child’s feelings must be taken seriously, even though the situation itself is not very serious. Dr Haim Ginott
Fish swim, birds fly, and people feel. Dr Haim Ginott
Talking with children about their thoughts, memories, and feelings provides them with essential interpersonal experiences necessary for self-understanding and building their social skills. by D. J. Siegel & M. Hartzell