Attract and Attack

Posted on Jan 16, 2013 in Articles - Counselling

Our nature is we long for something we don’t have. It happens to personality, too. People with opposite temperaments attract each other. When we respect each other’s differences we are given an uniqueness; it makes a beautiful complementary whole.

But sadly that difference can create conflict. The truth is opposites may attract. But just as often, they attack! In such a case normally they think the opponent has to change to fit with their own feelings or thoughts.

Each person has expectations towards the others. It may come from family of origin, or from the way our parents were. Here is an example: the husband was from a close active family that spends a lot of time together whereas the wife was from a quiet introverted family. In any new relationship, their own realistic expectations need to be established.

At the beginning of the relationship they can accept or respect the different characters of each other. Somehow, they start wishing that the other person would change. What’s happened to them? Are they talking about differences openly? Are they respecting the culture of each family of origin? Are there any issues blocking their relationship? (Sometimes even the arrival of a first baby can change the relationship and they start seeing the differences between them.)

It’s not easy to bring such a topic into a conversation, is it? But what will happen if you just leave it? What is stopping you to have an open conversation? Will you consider the effort if your spouse (or partner or friend) brings up such an uneasy topic to keep the relationship with you?