Articles – Parenting

Behind the difficult behavior

Posted on Jan 17, 2013 in Articles - Parenting, Children, Parenting

Personality, behavior and emotions

Emotions affect our thoughts and behaviour. This is same for everyone – adults and children,or even people not having issues. We see emotionsin schools or at work. We can’t perform well when we are upset.

In my parenting talk I say “separate behavior from personality”. When a child misbehaves we don’t say “you are a naughty or bad child”. She may have done something wrong, but she is not a bad person.

I take one more step and ask”what are the emotions behind the misbehaivour?”

When I think of children who display difficult behaviours I see the importance of ‘care’ on the emotional side.

For many people’s eyes their behaviours may seem to be “bad”, but how much do we know about their ‘inside’ or their thoughts?

It is important to take care of their emotions. What experience have they had? Were they hurt by someone or by some incident?

Maybe they are struggling or frustrated because they find it difficult to express their feelings. Putting feelingsinto the words is not easy, even if they are given a chance to express them.

Young children (under 10 years old) usually talk while they are in the therapeutical play. Older children are generally surprised when therapist says that they don’t have to talk if they don’t want to. The most important thing in this therapy is that the client engages in self-initiated play. By the time older children finish creating a sand tray, most of them want to talk about it.

The story in the tray expersses the child’s situations or emotions. It is often not directly connected to what the child is telling the therapist, but they are experssing what they need to say. This is the reason the therapist doesn’t need to hear the story if children don’t want talk.

If children don’t have a chance to let go of negative emotions, the emotions do link to their difficult behaivour.